(originally at www.evestus.ning.com on January 31, 2011)
Now, it recently occurred to me that blogs really are the place for writings about your daily doings and beings, such as "went to this and that party yesterday and puked on this and that persons pants lololol" or "just another saturday night i'm so bored nothing to do oh nvmnd.." as opposed to something actually worth fucking reading. so, with that revelation in mind, i bring you shining insights to my personal existence. alas, bear in mind that i've never written anything without actually having anything to discuss with you, so read on.
not many days ago, i went to the toilet to release my vicious punishment upon the sewer system. i'm not sure if anybody would notice, but this story won't make sense without knowing the fact, that my toilet is across a public corridor from my apartment. anyway, on return from my casual business, i found myself unable to re-enter my living premises. three more hyper thrilling facts about the house i live in - it's older than your grandma's stories of her grandpa, the aforementioned hallway is unheated (that needs to be accompanied with the fact that this winter is pressing more snow through the narrow openings in the walls of this old and leaned house, than ever), and due to the unequal soil sinking, the doors don't move quite as they should, thus needing extra tricks and a tad of force to get them to close properly. so i continued to try all known maneuvers to hoax myself into my apartment.
after about fifteen minutes it became evident, that this situation was beyond a normal jam, the lock had seriously malfunctioned. at that time my toes reminded me of the near zero degree environment i was in by turning slightly blueish and moving much slower than commanded. luckily i had some old boots in the toilet. i also had a groundwork iron bar in the toilet, you know, one of those 20 kilograms, 1,5 meters long, 3cm diameter solid iron tools you use to break huge rocks like watermelons. i sometimes need to kill the final products of my digestion system with it. anyway, after a while of hopeless ravaging of the door handle i resorted to prying the door open with that iron bar, but no avail. not that i wouldn't be able to, but i didn't want to destroy the door completely in the process. i felt myself going through the five phases described in this educational video. life savingly, my neighbor arrived meanwhile, and offered the warmth of her apartment and a spare jacket.
in hopes that meddling the lock system with a working key would somehow wedge the door open, i arranged my girlfriends key, who was at work, to be delivered to me by a friend, since mine was safely inside the apartment. but that too was useless. i contacted my landlord, and with the aid of a vast array of different craft tools, the names of which i don't know in english, he could provide, we managed to chip a piece of the door frame out and wedge a metal slate between the handle piston and the reply plate, thus opening the door. and the day was saved. i needed to replace the entire lock and handle mechanism and i also need to replace a part of the door frame, as it turned out i was not the only one who has broken into this apartment, and there wasn't much left of some parts of the door, but the emergency had been reduced down to a routine home improvement work.
now my question is, how would you have handled the situation?
i couldn't use brute force, for i don't have the money to buy a new door, and i also didn't have time to get it fixed right away, and i couldn't leave my door unlocked for until i could get a completely broken door fixed. but i did need to get inside. would you have mastered the situation better? am i a completely incapable turd with completely doomed brain that isn't worth a comparison with that of a lizard, or are we all like this? what kind of world revolution do we expect of our rebelling youth, if it takes us a whole four hours and the aid of several people to get beyond a single simple damn stinking old rotten door?
not many days ago, i went to the toilet to release my vicious punishment upon the sewer system. i'm not sure if anybody would notice, but this story won't make sense without knowing the fact, that my toilet is across a public corridor from my apartment. anyway, on return from my casual business, i found myself unable to re-enter my living premises. three more hyper thrilling facts about the house i live in - it's older than your grandma's stories of her grandpa, the aforementioned hallway is unheated (that needs to be accompanied with the fact that this winter is pressing more snow through the narrow openings in the walls of this old and leaned house, than ever), and due to the unequal soil sinking, the doors don't move quite as they should, thus needing extra tricks and a tad of force to get them to close properly. so i continued to try all known maneuvers to hoax myself into my apartment.
after about fifteen minutes it became evident, that this situation was beyond a normal jam, the lock had seriously malfunctioned. at that time my toes reminded me of the near zero degree environment i was in by turning slightly blueish and moving much slower than commanded. luckily i had some old boots in the toilet. i also had a groundwork iron bar in the toilet, you know, one of those 20 kilograms, 1,5 meters long, 3cm diameter solid iron tools you use to break huge rocks like watermelons. i sometimes need to kill the final products of my digestion system with it. anyway, after a while of hopeless ravaging of the door handle i resorted to prying the door open with that iron bar, but no avail. not that i wouldn't be able to, but i didn't want to destroy the door completely in the process. i felt myself going through the five phases described in this educational video. life savingly, my neighbor arrived meanwhile, and offered the warmth of her apartment and a spare jacket.
in hopes that meddling the lock system with a working key would somehow wedge the door open, i arranged my girlfriends key, who was at work, to be delivered to me by a friend, since mine was safely inside the apartment. but that too was useless. i contacted my landlord, and with the aid of a vast array of different craft tools, the names of which i don't know in english, he could provide, we managed to chip a piece of the door frame out and wedge a metal slate between the handle piston and the reply plate, thus opening the door. and the day was saved. i needed to replace the entire lock and handle mechanism and i also need to replace a part of the door frame, as it turned out i was not the only one who has broken into this apartment, and there wasn't much left of some parts of the door, but the emergency had been reduced down to a routine home improvement work.
now my question is, how would you have handled the situation?
i couldn't use brute force, for i don't have the money to buy a new door, and i also didn't have time to get it fixed right away, and i couldn't leave my door unlocked for until i could get a completely broken door fixed. but i did need to get inside. would you have mastered the situation better? am i a completely incapable turd with completely doomed brain that isn't worth a comparison with that of a lizard, or are we all like this? what kind of world revolution do we expect of our rebelling youth, if it takes us a whole four hours and the aid of several people to get beyond a single simple damn stinking old rotten door?
HAHA!
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